New Years Resolutions

I've come to realise over the holidays that the reason I dislike myself so much is because I'm lazy (and I'm lazy because I dislike myself - go figure!). Anyways, each time I've done something productive, I've felt so good and its given me a little boost. The more I do the more I want to do, so I'm trying to use it to my advantage. I decided to make some new years resolutions, even though I've never achieved them previously. Lets see how I go this year... perhaps I can make an effort to cross them off as I go.

#1. Instead of 'Lose weight' or "lose x kilos" this year, I'm going to concentrate on continuing to eat smaller portions, healthy foods, eat breakfast, cut back on caffeine and alcohol, and most importantly, walk my beagles twice per day. If I can continue to walk morning and night - one beagle per walk - I will certainly be much healthier for me and my hopefully soon-to-be-born baby. My beagles are extremely overweight and I really want them to live long lives. So this will help this immensely also.

#2. Stop caring so much. I tend to care more about other people than myself, and get very hurt by many people quite often because of it. From now on, I come first. I'm not going to play games, and if I don't like someone, I'm not going to go out of my way for them. Its just ridiculous and I don't get anything out of it but pain.

#3. Look after myself better. I need to start getting my hair done, waxing, shaving, using proper cleanser and moisturiser... straighten my hair, wear makeup, buy nice clothes and underwear. Tan, exercise, give myself pedicures, facials, manicures, hair treatments and baths with nice smelling stuff. I do deserve it and I always feel SO much better once I've done it.



They are the only 3 things I wish to achieve this year. It needs to be about me, because how will I teach my child to be confident and love themselves if I don't do it myself? I am looking forward to this year :)

So Confused

So, I work at a company where we get treated really well. There are heaps and heaps of benefits. $500 christmas gift cards to David Jones, Christmas parties to places such as Luna Park, Billy Joel Concert, etc... Uniform is provided, we have cakes every month.. Its pretty sweet.

I have a few problems that are really affecting me though.

1. I sit next to a guy that annoys the crap out of me. Its not so much that he is annoying (EVERYONE agrees with me); but he wastes my time. He has been in the position now for almost a year, and still asks me many MANY questions. I am micro-managing him. He has actually been there longer than I had been working there when I started training him. He also feels the need to butt in to every conversation there is, and is a LOUD talker. He constantly yells across the office to people because he's too lazy to get up.

2. I have a lot of clients to deal with and quite often don't have enough time to get it all done. A lot is expected  of me, and my time is demanded from 120 people at any given moment. It is quite stressful.

3. I don't earn as much money as I could elsewhere.

4. My boss has a weirdass opinion of me. She has made comments to me constantly about my shoes, my makeup, my hair, my clothes, how I wash/iron my uniform... and then has made comments to a friend of mine (not realising it would be repeated) about how I have no confidence and she has to help my confidence, that I need more friends and that I overthink everything. Its quite humiliating, and while I can understand how shes come up with these things (although they aren't true), I don't feel as though I should change to impress her.


I am very very concerned that by leaving, I would be making the wrong decision. I start looking for another job and I get depressed. But this job has forced me to need to be on antidepressants... There is no guarantee that I will like a new job better, or that I won't regret leaving. If only the above problems could be resolved, and then I could stay.

I think I am going to try and make things better and wait until Christmas. See if anything changes. Use the Secret to concentrate on being much happier at work.

I am going to speak up to the bloke thats annoying the crap out of me. I can't help not liking him. I couwd be sat next to someone I dislike again at the next place. But its not my job to continue managing him. He has been trained sufficiently enough. I will direct him to management each time he keeps querying everything. I will also make a point of not talking to him so hopefully he will eventually get the hint and leave me alone. I think I will say something about his loud-talking and yelling across the room.

There are items coming out that will make dealing with the clients a lot easier. Hopefully this will happen soon and negate the excessive stress placed on me.

I guess I either ignore what she thinks of me, or make more of an effort at work and then she will think I exude confidence. I guess I do need to do that if I was to move up in the company at all.

I wonder if applying to university for my special ed course would make me feel better about working there. Its going to be something that takes a long time to complete, and I understand that... Its going to take its toll on me. But if I had a goal that didn't involve this work place, maybe it would make me feel more positive about this job and realise that its really just a means to earn money. I don't have to be liked by everyone, I am employed to do my role and only my role.


I seriously still have no idea what I'm going to do..

Some advice

In my many attempts at losing weight, I've joined about 1000 weight loss communities.

Anyways, I got this link in an email newsletter today.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=1681

I found it really helpful. Especially in some of those days when you are just too damn tired to give a shit. Like today. I haven't slept for two days and had two cruisers at lunch today for melbourne cup. Totally smart!

My husband is also quite sick atm, and when I got home and asked what he wanted for dinner, he responded with 'maccas or oportos'.

Aint no way I am going to argue with that! I am about ready for bed and its only 7pm. I had my oportos. Only ate half my chips and had a coke zero instead of full sugar coke.

I do eat too much takeaway and junk... and I will limit it down so its 80/20. I LOVE that food man, I am going to keep eating it!! Telling myself I can't is why I keep binging on it. But the amount must be in moderation or I will be unhealthy forever.

So, even though I had takeaway for dinner, I am actually still within my WW points, and I am fine with that. Tomorrow I will just keep eating well. This weight is going to shift!!

And so it begins... again...

After 6 years of putting on weight, and gaining 40kg, I had given up.

I am getting about feeling completely uncomfortable in my own skin. Now when I go out I am miserable because all I can think of is how fat I am. I don't want to go out anymore because I have nothing to wear, and I feel like a walrus. I am also quite miserable. At home. At work. All the time.

Don't get me wrong, I know that I won't miraculously feel better about everything in my life. My job isn't going to get better miraculously. But I think I would be able to handle stress better if I exercised regularly. Maybe I wouldn't hold onto everything so badly and get so highly strung.

I had a chat to my friend last night/this morning... and we've decided to give it one last shot. This week we are tackling 2 goals each. My goals are to drink 2L of water per day and to sleep less. I sleep a LOT. I go to sleep with my husband each night at 9.30pm. He gets up at 5am for work. I get up at 7.30am. Thats ten hours man! and I am STILL tired.... I don't necessarily have to go for a walk in the morning. Just get up when my husband leaves for work. Sometimes I will leave early to go to work early... but the ultimate aim will be to exercise before the day begins - not bothered about the exercise until next week though!

We are trying to work up slowly, for a better success rate.

Hopefully this is the last time I have to start again.